


Megamind drabbles

by Figferret



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:54:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29944089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Figferret/pseuds/Figferret
Summary: I wanted a place to post my short Megamind writings. Ideas that don’t deserve full fics or just small things I wanted to explore. Chapters are unrelated unless otherwise stated. Each chapter has a summary and rating at the top.
Relationships: Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Body swap AU

Metro man and Megamind accidentally switch bodies. Rated teen if only because I imply that Metroman has a big dick.

I feel like I had a solid start but didn’t have enough ideas to really bring this idea to life. 

—————

Today was a disaster. His grand evil plan of the week was to switch Metro man’s mind with that of a chicken. Then he could just hide chicken Wayne in some prison under the lake, like a secret pet. He was even going to feed him and provide enrichment. He’s never had the stomach for animal cruelty. He hadn’t even got to finish his monologue and explain what his machine did before Metroman burst through the ceiling. Knocking them both into the machine before the weight of it all collapsed the floor.

Now he was in the dilapidated basement of the old storage facility, with his eyes squeezed tight and anticipating pain. Megamind flexes his hand testing for nerve damage, but it functions as it should.

“Holy crab nuggets, that was a very unstable machine.” Comes a groan from next to him. The voice sounded like his own. But he would never say crab nuggets as a swear, he tried to never swear where a camera might see. That was Metro man’s way of— oh no. No, no no no!

“It wasn’t unstable, you just knocked us both into the power source.” He snaps in a voice too deep. His eyes opening as he turns to find his body sitting up rubbing his big blue head in confusion. If Metro man was in his body, then that meant. He dared to look down and see his current body, wow he feels like he takes up so much space. How does Wayne deal with being so large?

“I guess that’s what happened, but honestly I just had dust in my eyes from bursting in and I was flying by sound alone for a moment and it just got away from me.” The hero admits, still seemingly fascinated by his new body. How was he not freaking out about this?

“T-that’s so careless! Someone other than me could have gotten hurt.” Megamind growls, standing up and frowning at the realization that he wasn’t in pain at all, Wayne truly suffered no damage from this scuffle at all. Oh how unfair a mistress fate is.

“Right pain… so, this is what it’s like to feel pain huh?” Wayne says as he uses his new blue hands to poke and prod at his bruising. “Physical pain I mean—“ he cuts himself off to look at Megamind with pity in his big expressive green eyes. Megamind grit his teeth and looked away. His stupid face always gave too much away, he didn’t like looking at it unless he was putting on a show for the cameras.

“Yes well I’m sure that’s interesting for you. I for one am excited to not be in pain for once.” He grumbled, not actually excited. Looking back over, Wayne was hopping up and down a smile on his face. With the damage to his body, that had to hurt at least a little each time.

“You know I can’t just jump, my body just immediately starts floating, is this what it’s like to be normal?” He makes a most unevil laugh, child like and filled with wonder. Megamind looks away from his rival, so instantly mad at that careless comment that he worries he’ll use his new laser vision on his old body.

“No it’s not Metro Mhan! I’m still quite a bit stronger than a human and tougher skinned. I heal faster and my proportions are off. It’s most certainly not like being normal!” He yells louder than intended, Metro man’s voice shakes the walls around them, more debris falling down to join them. Wayne looks down, kicking up dust with a pout, and rubbing the back of his neck. A strange understanding flicks across his face and Megamind concludes that Metro man just realized how sensitive Megaminds neck is. That felt like far to intimate for his rival to know.

“Right, sorry. How do we switch back?” Wayne says, actually sounding disappointed, the nerve of him to enjoy the novelty of his body without having to deal with all the problems it came with.

“Well assuming the machine is totally destroyed, then I’ll need some time to make a new one, if I have all the parts on hand it could be only a day.” He can’t imagine Metro man’s huge hands doing the delicate work needed. “Minion and the bots might have to build it though, your hands are not ideal.”

“Alright, well I don’t know how to take that, and no prison cell could possibly hold me, so I guess I can’t take you to jail until we switch back. But let’s go do the post battle interview.” Metro man’s eyes widen for a moment and he snaps his head up to the ceiling. “Is Roxie okay?” For being her boyfriend he sure took his time to even think about her safety.

Megamind rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his strangely stiff hair. Did Metroman use hairspray or is this the way his natural hair feels? He hadn’t touched many people’s hair over the years but it tended to be soft or stringy or greasy but this was stiff. “Of course she’s fine, I just hope Minion isn’t panicking.” He doesn’t elaborate on why she’s fine, or that she’ll always be fine because he’d never let her get hurt. That the chair had built in safety features, Roxanne was— vital, to his plans and therefore her safety was not optional.

“Wait interview? What are you going to tell the press exactly?” Megamind asks with narrow eyes. His body being puppeted by that goody-two-shoes, cocks his head and shrugs.

“The truth?” The truth he says. As if that was the obvious action to take as if that wasn’t a terrible idea that clearly hadn’t been thought through.

He was by Wayne in a flash so quick neither of them were prepared, both jumping back from each other. “Are you daft? What do you think the city will do if their beloved god-like hero is suddenly a villain?”

“Oh. They would panic.” At least he understood that. Megamind let his shoulders relax, his super hearing picking up conversation from the floor above them.

“Sir? Oh dear.” Minion was clearing away debris and calling out to Megamind both in English and their native tongue, an inhuman sound you’d only recognize as language if you heard it often enough to recognize the repeated sounds and sentence structure. “Metroman usually has them out of the rubble by now.” Minion’s voice falters, gripping Megaminds heart; he shouldn’t keep him waiting but...

“Crap, crap, that explosion was small they should be okay!” Miss Ritchie was worried about both of them? Huh. Of course she was. She’s a good person. He snapped his attention back to the man in his body.

“We’ll need to go to my lair and not let you be seen until we can switch back.” It was the best action for them and the city.

“No can do.” Wayne insists. “The longer I take to show up after a fight the more likely people will think you won and that I’m dead or something.”

“Better them thinking you're dead for a few days than thinking I have your powers.” Heck seeing people despair at Metroman’s ‘defeat’ sounded like a just reward for enduring this incident. 

“Speaking of having my powers, why aren’t you using them to rescue us?” Wayne asked, pulling the De-gun from its holster. He spins the barrel and aims it at a patch of sunken ceiling. “Or do I need to rescue us?” Wayne’s hero smile and smugness look wrong on his blue face.

Why wasn’t he using his temporary powers? The thought had occurred but it made his chest hurt. It would hurt so much to see what life would have been like if he was a hero. But he won’t tell Metroman that. “I just want to have a plan before people see us. And don’t play with my gun, it's dangerous.”

Wayne looks at the gun in his hand and sighs, slipping it back into its holster. Then he perks up again with a wide smile looking as if he just had a brilliant idea. Which might have been true if he was actually Megamind. “I got it, we will just pretend to be each other until we can switch back! No one will know the difference.”

“No one will notice? Excuse me? You think you can handle being me? The scorn and public ostrich-ization?” Megamind argued. Wayne took a deep breath and then stood tall and proud his fingers steepled in front of him. Getting into character.

“You’ve walked right into my trap Metro Mahn!” He exclaims, even mispronouncing his own name. It was a convincing snippet.

“We both have lives outside of our showdowns, people will notice.” Megamind argues. Wayne isn’t paying attention; he’s walking around copying the slow walk Megamind uses to approach Miss Ritchie on camera. It's meant to be menacing but Wayne ends it by chuckling, breaking the illusion of calm dominance. Megamind opens his mouth to comment but Metro man interrupts.

“You know I thought I’d feel smarter?”

“My intelligence doesn’t come from my big head.” Megamind grumbles. “Like it does but it doesn’t and the machine doesn’t physically switch our brains but that doesn’t mean you have the neural pathways to use my mind to the full extent of its power.” Wayne has already moved on though ignoring him to enjoy being in Megamind’s body. Before he can start the argument again, sunlight floods into the room as enough debris is moved aside. Minion and Roxanne peer down at them looking relieved.

Wayne takes action right away. “Finally, I was getting tired of hearing Mr perfect hair blather on and on. Just take me to jail or let me go already.” Wayne said, lying right to Minion’s face! And by the looks of it Minion was buying it so far.

Fine then, Wayne’s plan, it is. If he was going to pretend to be Metroman then so be it he’d play the part. “Don’t worry Megamind, I’m sure the warden is keeping your cell ready for you. But I’ll let you go this time. Get out of here before I change my mind.” He watches his own body grab Minion’s extended arm and get pulled up. Running off as he floats slowly up to Roxanne. Roxanne, the beautiful clever reporter who is dating the man who usually is in this body. Oh boy.

“Not much to report on this time, guess we can skip the interview, that and I don't know if the news has shown up yet and I don’t want to go back to work.” Roxanne shrugs holding her arms out to him expectantly. Is this an invitation to hug her? What is the morality of just hugging her without her knowing that he’s Megamind? What place in hell did people who hug under false pretenses belong in? 

“I’m ready to go home Wayne.” She says flatly, impatiently.

Oh. Right. Crap he isn’t used to Metroman’s strength. What if he holds her too hard? He picks her up bridal style, relieved that it’s not hard to control his strength, and panicked that she’s so warm and soft. Does Wayne have an increased sense of smell? Or does Roxanne always smell this good? Like coffee and honey, the coconut scent of her shampoo being the only scent he’s familiar with. Her head is tucked against his chest, to avoid the wind, but it feels like more like something precious and—

“So did you catch what his machine was supposed to do? Because I saw a chicken and I have no idea what it was for.” Roxanne asks. “And I’m not sure if it made it out of the explosion?” Crap, he hated any loss of life from his schemes. Hopefully the brainbot’s recovered it and he could use the brain tissue to make a new brainbot? 

“No, I was a bit clumsy on entry and it blew up before I could find out.” He awkwardly laughs, wishing this flight could be longer even if he is so awkward. Even if it’s wrong to hold his rival's girlfriend while in his rival's body. He lands on her balcony setting her down with the utmost care. Would she be expecting a good night kiss? There is no way he could do that! Not under this deceit.

She runs her fingers through her hair, fixing the mess it became during the flight. She gives him a friendly smile which is more than enough to make his own smile real, but he still expected more from a smile directed at one's lover. “Pleasure as always to see you, have a nice night Roxanne.” 

“T-thanks Wayne.” He can hear her balcony door sliding closed even when he is miles from her apartment. Time to… fly around stopping crime? Did Wayne actually deal with day to day crime? Or should he go to the Scott manner and rest? He hears a cry for help far off and before he thinks too hard on it he is heading towards the sound. Maybe just a quick rescue or two.

————-

It’s not that Wayne hadn’t been in the evil lair before but he had never been there not during a fight. He had been advised early on when Megamind started spending more time out of prison that he should let the villain have a place he felt safe. A place for Minion to return to even when Megamind went back to jail. It was a request from the warden, and he’d agreed to it with no issue. Without asking the villain never seeked out his apartment underground and he never bothered the Scott mansion directly except during the huge gala’s they hosted.

Minion insisted he check over his wounds, well Megaminds wounds. The pain was novel but admittedly bad at this point. Or maybe he just wasn’t used to the sensation and this wasn’t bad at all. Brainbots hovered around him, Bwoging softly and pressing against him like a cats.

“Sir lift up your arms.” Minion impatiently said holding a first aid kit. Wayne did so, his face flushing immediately as the bots stripped his suit off. In a panic he looked down then immediately back up. He really shouldn’t invade Megamind’s privacy like this!

He hadn’t looked down long but, he hadn’t seen anything between his temporary legs. Was- was Megamind a girl? No that can’t be right, and it isn’t his business. Well regardless he seemed to identify as a guy. Maybe his species didn’t reproduce the same way as humans? He didn’t want to think about this, so why wouldn’t his mind let him think about anything else? Why the hell didn’t Megamind wear any underwear?

“Some minor burns and some bruising, you're lucky this time. One of these day’s Metroman’s going to kill you.” Minion says with a sigh, applying a cream to the bruise on his back. Minion’s cold metal hands hardly remind him of being fussed over at home, but at the same time Minion is more caring and motherly then his staff at home are.

“He wouldn’t do that, he’s a hero.” He mutters trying not to defend himself but unable to stop. The fish rounded him to look him right in the eyes. Minion’s eyes are so warm and kind but are weighed down with melancholy, Wayne has to look away. He didn’t need this guilt; he wasn’t going to kill Megamind. He didn’t even hate the villain.

“Even if he doesn’t mean too—“ Minion takes a deep breath and his suit steps back. He spins away from Wayne in the bowl but the body still faces him. “Metroman isn’t careful with you, and you're not getting any younger. How long before—“ he stops, just letting out an angry growl in frustration.

Wayne felt frozen in place, was he really being too rough? He shouldn’t care, he knew Villains die more often than they retire. But so do heroes, so why should he care if it's part of the job? Megamind is always trying to kill him! Not that he uses the word kill, and most of the time he is just asked to leave the city.

The bots hover nearby holding a clean under suit out and he raises his arms up so they can dress him. Zippers, so that was the secret to getting his giant head through the thin neck hole of his clothes, he should have guessed.

“I’ll try to be more careful, but umm Minion, we need to rebuild today’s machine.” He says stepping forward and laying his hand on the robots suit’s shoulder. Minion spins around his expression curious.

“We should cover up the power source this time, I’m surprised though, you hate using the same plan twice especially if Metro man saw it.” He waved away Minion’s concerns after all he did need to get back into his body eventually.

———-

In the morning Megamind was stressed. Sure he woke up in a huge comfortable luxury bedroom, but it wasn’t his, it was Metro man’s. And now he had to undress and shower as every girl in Metrocitiy’s wet dream. He dreaded seeing or even feeling his rival's body. He already compared their bodies and hated himself for being so thin, and long limbed and bald and despite his goatee mostly hairless.

The white and gold of the massive bathroom was nearly blinding, and he cringed at the sight of himself in the mirror. Broad shoulders, perfect hair even after a night's sleep it was demoralizing. The white hair on the sides looked distinguished instead of aging it was so frustrating.

He took a deep breath and started to remove the suit. Already Wayne’s hairy chest was giving him anxiety. He’d seen more than enough naked men thanks to prison, it’s unfair that Wayne who is every bit as alien as him just looks like some perfect ideal of the human form. He tore the rest of the suit down and practically threw himself into the shower.

Wet hair was strange. Almost gross feeling. His eyes flick down and he regrets it right away. It’s not fair! Why would Gaul’s have evolved to be nearly human but then ended up with super powers? His own race was genetically similar, but different enough to cause himself to be ostracized. Meanwhile Metro Mahn is walking around with this surprisingly heavy weight between his legs. Oh no, now he was thinking of Wayne and Roxanne and he was going to be sick, it’s unfair that Wayne gets to have the only woman who has never reacted to seeing him by screaming in fear.

A shiver goes through him, did Wayne look at his body? Oh evil gods had he touched his body out of curiosity or disgust? He didn’t need Wayne to know what he looked like without clothes. The idea was enough to make him whimper pathetically.

He needed to get dressed. He could already hear a few tell, tell, signs of crime off in the distance.

————

He floated down, his outfit singed but his body soaked. Roxanne rushed over from the sidelines of the crowd, her cameraman close behind. “Wow, how did you get burnt and wet?” She asks sympathetically, setting a hand on his arm.

“Well Hot Flash decided to try and rob a bank, the flames of her evil thankfully were dowsed by the waters of justice.” He gave her wink, earning him a friendly laugh. “And I also dumped her and myself into the lake.”

His heart felt so full of happiness as people thanked him. People swarming around him, they wanted his attention, they actually wanted to speak to him! Well— they wanted to speak and see Metro man but he could definitely pretend it was for him. Even now as Roxanne interviewed him about the bank heist he could imagine she wanted to interview him.

“Looks like a soggy Hot Flash will be taken to a neighboring state to be put in the women’s super max prison. Hopefully she won’t feel too much like a fish out of water there. This was Roxanne Ritchie signing off.” She makes a gesture with her hand and Hal cuts off the camera feed.

“Hey so Roxy, like the city is hosting a barbecue at verthworthen park tomorrow and I was thinking we should go. Like together!” He asks, completely ignoring Roxanne’s ‘boyfriend’. Roxanne cringes, giving a disarming smile to her coworker.

“I don’t think so Hal—“ Her voice catches as Hal grabs her hand holding it close to his chest with both his hands clasped over hers now.

“C’mon Roxaroo, don’t be lame. There’s going to be a hotdog eating contest and you're going to wanna see me win.” She grits her teeth and as far as Megamind can tell she’s very uncomfortable, all her body language is closed off and her eyes refuse to meet Hal’s. Is it wrong of him to think it’s inappropriate for this man to be coming on to Roxanne? She’s spoken for, and regardless Roxanne doesn’t seem to want to watch this man gorge himself on processed meat tubes. He should step in.

“The lady said no.” He grunted standing behind Hal. The chubby redhead glancing up at him.

“Oh Metro man? I thought you’d have flown off by now.” He says annoyed with a slight tremble in his voice, fear, anger maybe. “What’s your, like deal? I see what a shitty boyfriend you are. I'm just trying to show her how a real man would treat her!” Hal goes off on a rant, Roxanne pulling away from him and inching closer to Metro man. This short red haired man is certainly brave to criticize Metroman, but judging by the looks other people are throwing this way he isn’t gaining any favor from the crowd.

Megamind didn’t know much about Wayne and Roxanne’s relationship. By choice, and out of respect for her privacy. But if this skeevy guy thought Wayne was a bad boyfriend then he must truly be awful. Was that something Roxanne complained about to her coworkers? Or was this man delusional and using a confirmation bias to twist what he saw of the hero’s relationship into something that still allowed him to think he had a chance with Roxanne? He should be more like himself and understand that he had no chance with her, because Wayne always got all the best things in life.

“Roxanne, your work is done for the day right? Allow me to take you home.” He offers her his hand and ignores Hal completely. Best not tarnish Wayne’s image by starting a fight with this guy.

“Excuse me I take her home!” Hal growls. Roxanne takes the hero’s hand, avoiding eye contact with her pushy coworker. Was this guy always like this? Was he a threat to Roxanne? He should hack into KCMP’s employee records and start keeping tabs on this guy. Just in case.

“It’s fine Hal, I know my apartment is out of your way. See you at work tomorrow.” Megamind holds her firmly and slowly rises into the sky. Once far enough away Megamind asked the question sitting on the tip of his tongue. He knows he shouldn’t.

“Am I really such a bad boyfriend that your coworker is concerned?” She looks at him confused, before she breaks into laughter. He’s not sure why it’s funny. She opens her mouth with a dismissive wave of her hand before speaking.

“Hal just wants me for himself, you could be perfect and he’d still complain. But speaking of our relationship, you haven’t forgotten the opening of the new wing at the art museum tonight have you?” She asked without a trace of anger in her voice. But of course Wayne was so popular there is no way he remembered everything he had to do. But still no matter how much other things he had going on he would never forget any plans that had Roxanne in them.

“Uhhh.” He slows down to give them time to talk. She pats his chest a few times a friendly smile curling her lips. Shit maybe him and Wayne should have talked this out more— wait this is Wayne’s fault he didn’t want to pretend to be Mr perfect to begin with!

“No worries just pick me up at 6:30, in your car please I’d like to do my hair for once. Your mother and father will be there so don’t think you can slip away and ignore me the whole night because lady Scott will bug me otherwise and I don’t feel like explaining why we aren’t engaged or married again.” She explains with a huff. Yet she didn’t look mad, why wasn’t this an argument? Was she used to Wayne being distant? Was their relationship not based on attraction perhaps, and instead a mutual benefit?

Roxanne’s career was definitely boosted by being part of the biggest tourist attraction in the city. The benefit to Metro man was harder to imagine, in his own mind being with Roxanne would be all he would want or need from her but Wayne was maybe getting something else?

He shouldn’t think too much or long on this. It doesn’t matter why they are together, he never stood a chance with her anyway.

————-

Wayne’s day was not much better; he'd tried to skip his morning shower but three brainbots had stopped him from leaving Megamind’s dark, sparsely decorated room. Megamind’s bed was a twin, and even in his rival's scrawny body it was uncomfortably small. The room lacked windows like all of the evil lair and he just wanted to eat some damn breakfast.

“Why stop me?” He groans in defeat not expecting an answer. One of the bot’s makes a series of clicks and whirring noises that the real Megamind would have understood. Luckily and unluckily Minion is nearby and shouts helpfully to him.

“Sir, you updated the bots to help you with your ‘self care’ after Miss Ritchie suggested you should, I’ve got breakfast ready for you when your shower is done.” Minion’s voice carries far thanks to the acoustics in the lair and Wayne distractedly thinks about how his guitar might sound in here. He doesn’t even register how weird it is that Roxie wanted Megamind to take better care of himself.

He tries to think of things like that to distract from the shower. Maybe that would work too if the lair wasn’t so depressing, the light in the bathroom doesn’t feel bright enough. There is only a small mirror on the counter, no large mirror like in his bathroom. There is makeup scattered on the counter as well, it feels so alien. The shower is amazing though, it has three shower heads and it heats up so quickly.

His tense muscles relax and he feels like he is melting. His eyes drift down to his hands, unfamiliar with blue skin and long fingers. Little scars and calluses that you think his gloves would prevent mar his skin. Yet Wayne is kind of jealous of these hands. Two years ago as part of a plot Megamind had invented a guitar that’s sound waves resonated with animal brainwaves, forcing him to fight Metro city’s stray animal population. Which was only hard because he didn’t want to kill them.

But that guitar, Megamind really put his all into that one, it was stylish and his commands were weaved together into actual music! But of course, these nimble fingers could build brilliant and delicate machines, of course they could shred on a guitar. He wondered how long Megamind spent learning guitar?

Wayne’s favorite part of Megamind’s plots and schemes was his musical accompaniment. He once mentioned to his father his desire to have his own method of playing music during their battles. This wasn’t feasible because unlike Megamind he would get in trouble if he didn’t get licenses for the music he wanted. He didn’t have speakers throughout the city and frankly his own taste in music was similar to Megamind’s.

The water shut off on its own, set to a timer he guessed. He wrapped a fluffy black towel around his waist and stared into the small mirror. His goatee still looked perfect, not a hair out of place. Wayne had to shave quite frequently with special blades to cut his hair. Thank goodness he wasn’t the only hero with highly durable hair or maybe he would have had to ask his rival to figure out how to cut his hair. Far too dangerous.

Leaning against the counter to get closer to the mirror pushed his hips into the hard edge, rubbing the towel against him pleasantly. Making something involuntary shift inside him. Blood rushing between his legs ever so slightly. He tried to distract himself by putting on eyeliner but after poking his eye just once he abandons the task.

The bots dress him quickly, no cape or gloves, maybe this is Megaminds more casual wear? The black undersuit is the same but the pants and shirt are different. Still tight though, it was like being touched constantly.

The kitchen which he hadn’t seen much of yesterday was quite homey. No spikes, or Tesla coils. It looked like a fancy showroom kitchen instead of a real lived in space. Minion pushed a plate of pancakes, drenched in syrup with powdered sugar on top at him. His mother would be mortified to see him eat this. He smiled at the thought.

“The plans for the mind swapping machine are on the drafting table, we have the parts on hand but if this is about wanting to interfere in Miss Ritchie’s date tonight then I don’t think we will have built in time.” He pauses to set a sugary coffee in front of him as well. “You know how dangerous your inventions are when you rush things, Sir.”

Wayne chewed slowly, wanting to just say he won’t rush so that Minion won’t worry. Minion’s eyes are so large and expressive and they so often look worried. People don’t worry about him, rightfully so, he is invincible as far as he knows. He doesn’t envy that look, he wants to stop it. “I will leave Roxy to her date, and the machine will be built with care.” He assures the henchfish.

“Roxy?” Minion’s expression is twisted into an unfamiliar expression. His eyes narrow. Wayne wasn’t sure what the confusion was about. The rest of breakfast was quiet.

——-

Wayne was elbow deep in the badly built casing of the mind swapper, grease on his hands and face. He just kept messing up this part, he’d never even worked on a car. How could he possibly be prepared for work as complex as this? The blueprints didn’t help because they were so complex and the writing was small and elegant and written in various languages. The bots had built most of what was done but then they had decided to go play.

Why did they have freewill? It made no sense and the other bots he had seen weren’t part of the building team Minion had said. That he would have to convince other bots to temporarily work a job they didn’t like if he wanted help. Then an alarm went off and he fell backwards and into the arms of Minion.

“The conductor broke into warehouse 2b in the harbor district again.” He informs Wayne. The hero’s first thought is ‘the guy with the classical music theme with yellow skin?’ But he doesn’t say it. He’s such a minor villain. He rarely thinks of the Doom syndicate.

“I’m sure Metro Mahn will take care of it?” He says slowly, frowning deeply as he sees Minion’s brow ridge rise.

“Metro man never stops crimes in that part of the city, because the cops don’t even bother to tell him they are happening. Without a hostage to yell for help he won’t notice anything going on. Meanwhile the Conductor will charge up his electrical powers on our equipment.” Wayne didn’t even realize that Megamind had warehouses he had equipment at. He honestly doesn’t think about Megamind outside of the context of their interactions. Huh. It feels wrong somehow that he knows so little about a man he has known his whole life.

“Oh right. Best stop that then, can’t be sharing as that… wouldn’t be evil?” He cringes at that sad attempt of a line and Minion drops him.

“Let me guess Wayne, your minds got switched in the explosion.” The fish growls. Then his eyes go wide. “Oh evil gods, please tell me Sir is in your body and not the chicken’s!”

Wayne didn’t have the will to fight against the truth. “Don’t panic you’re right he is in my body!” Minion turns away from the imposter in his ward’s body to find a brainbot willing to get a message to the real Megamind.

————

Shit, shit, shit, he shouldn’t have gotten distracted being heroic all day. He should have got to the evil lair and supervised the rebuilding of the mind swapper. Instead he’d played hero and then got swept up in looking forward to this date with Roxanne. A date he didn’t deserve and oh evil gods he was a bad person. Which yes evil supervillain but this was a scummy kind of evil.

He looked at himself in the mirror, perfect human like body, professionally tailored white suit. He felt even more like a liar then he had all day. Megamind leaves the mansion just after Wayne’s parents, telling them he was off to pick up Roxanne. He watched them be driven off, delaying getting in Wayne’s white and gold sports car until he saw a brainbot cautiously approaching him.

“134?” Megamind asked softly, reaching out to the bot. It floated over and landed in his large hands. In its hand it had the communication watch.

“Sir?” Minion’s voice came through the moment he snapped it onto his thick wrist. The watches were powered by the natural electric currents present in human skin. Or in this case humanoid skin.

“He couldn’t fool you for long I see.” In some way this is what he wanted. To have an out for this situation. Yet he really wanted— still wants, is to spend this night with Roxanne. Without her tied to a chair. Where she smiles and laughs for and with him.

“Of course not Sir, come home so we can fix this.” Minion urged. Megamind craved the familiarity of the lair. But—

“I will, tonight. I have something I need to do.” He doesn’t let Minion respond.

———-

Just one date, just to know what it’s like. He won’t touch her in more than a friendly manner. He’ll be a gentleman like always. He parks Wayne’s car and enters the building through the front, the door man greeting him with a smile and wave. Letting him in with no questions asked.

He stares at her front door for a few minutes before his knuckles tap on the door. It makes a full knocking sound and the door opens to reveal Roxanne in a stunning black dress, it hugs her wide hips so snugly it should be considered inappropriate. A slit on the side of the dress teases him unfairly. She’s wearing silver stud earrings with fake blue gems in them. How torturous that she’s practically wearing his colors.

Wait. Wearing his colors? Had she figured out his deception and was simply too scared to say anything now that he was in Wayne’s body? 

“You look stunning, radiant even.” He spits out before he can spiral his thoughts out of control. She pushes him slightly back, then turns to lock her apartment door.

“Thanks Wayne, I really appreciate it.” Her voice doesn’t have a hint of distress, her cheeks even dusted pink. “I’m sure your mother will point out how I should make a better effort to match you. Or that this dress isn’t in fashion.”

Megamind frowned, were parents socially obligated to police their children’s dates? His uncle’s never described any such thing. But ah, maybe it was something only women did? He held out his hand for her, confident at least that couples held hands. She shifted the side of her body her purse was on and put her hand in his.

Warm and comforting. It would probably feel wrong with his real hand. His cool body temperature would make it unpleasant for her most likely. Their fingers thread together and again he thinks of his own hands. Fingers too long.

————

Once they arrived they had been swept up in the crowd. Mingling that mostly consisted of listening to Roxanne talk circles around stuffy elites. He stuck by her side a fact that got commented on by everyone who knew him well.

Did everyone but him know that Wayne was a neglectful boyfriend? The tabloids sure don’t acknowledge it, posting every photo they can snap of the hero and damsel out on dates. Which now that he thinks about it are always events like this or photos of the two at lunch. Nothing particularly romantic.

“A dance my love?” He asks, ignoring the pain in his heart at calling her love.

“Last I checked you have two left feet but I’m no better so sure.” She responds as she pulls him onto the dance floor. The music is soft but upbeat, a showcase of a local artist. The art museum's new wing was based on art not typically displayed in museums. Spaces for performance art, stations to listen to music. Living art that was artistic and functional saltwater tanks with sculpted rocks and artfully grown coral.

The dance was awkward at first, Wayne’s body is kind of big and bulky. But he finds his rhythm and his knowledge of what steps to make and how to lead transferred well into his temporary body. At least Roxanne seemed to be having fun, especially when he dipped and twirled her.

“Alright I know you have tons of stamina but I need a moment.” She says leaning against him for a few blissful moments. He wishes he could kiss the top of her head and pull her into his arms. But he refrains.

They run into another group of social elites and once again Roxanne’s nosy reporter skills get them to say things they hadn’t meant to say which gets them to politely excuse themselves to wander away from them. She was so good at that.

They make their way over to a table and without thinking twice he pulls out her chair and pushes it in after she sits down. “You treat every conversation like a high stakes interview.” Megamind says his tone is full of admiration and fondness.

————

Roxanne chuckled, picking up a champagne glass from a passing waiter. “Most people who say that are criticizing me.” She chuckles again as Wayne’s eyes go wide in panic. “It’s nice to hear someone appreciate it for once.” Besides the local supervillain which she won’t say in front of Wayne because he already worries that she is too friendly with Megamind. Too relaxed, he’s dangerous Roxy, you say he won’t hurt you but he ties you to death traps all the time.

“I guess I’m not good at complimenting you—“ His eyes drift away from her to look out into the crowd. He sure is acting less confident tonight and less self focused. “Or I would tell you how great your interview skills are all the time.”

“You're not good at complimenting anyone but yourself.” Where Wayne would usually laugh he shrinks back a bit. Suddenly feeling guilty she reaches over to place her hand on his.

“Hey I’m just teasing you, did something happen?” She can’t shake the feeling Wayne is acting strange tonight. Far too attentive and boyfriend like. It’s nice since she’s used to him being distant, and she had been single a long time because of him. But it almost seems like he’s trying to act like a real boyfriend.

“Happen?”

“You seem out of sorts.” She clarifies. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand and looks away. “This is a lovely night, the best time we’ve had together at one of these events in a long time.” She mentioned it as a positive thing but he seemed to crumple. She runs her thumb over the top of his hand, trying to comfort him.

“I know these events are stuffy and boring, if you like we can go back to your sanctuary and watch movies.” She gave him a bright smile, knowing him he’d want to watch a Musical. The man’s a sucker for the stuff. He looks happy for a moment, a dreamy look in his eyes before it disappears completely.

“This was a mistake, I need to use the restroom.” He says under his breath. He stands up and in a flash he’s gone. Shit, she thinks springing out of her chair. She’d been friends with Wayne for years; she'd never seen him like this before.

———-

Wayne looked at the mostly built mind swapper, the bots had come over to help him again once he begged them. Minion supervised nearby, not wanting Wayne to do anything wrong in his wards body. He always thought they had more of a servant/master like relationship but now he thought maybe Minion was like a brother or a nanny to Megamind.

“Wasn’t the little guy supposed to be here so we can switch back?” He asks, turning to face the fish, wiping his hands off on a ratty prison jumpsuit he was wearing so he wouldn’t dirty Megaminds costume.

“You're the one who’s little right now Mr Scott.” Minion grumbles. “And Sir is of average male height, you're just tall!” Wayne missed the calm and friendly Minion he normally interacted with. It made sense though Minion was concerned about his wards body being in the care of a man who regularly punches him through walls.

“S-sorry? I’m not trying to be rude?” He stumbles over his words. “And he is at least a few inches sort of average. He's like 5’5.” He bites his tongue, he shouldn’t argue about this he doesn’t care about Megaminds height. Megaminds height is fine! “I’m seriously not trying to be rude.” He insists.

“So that just comes naturally to you?” Minion snaps. He had lost patience with Wayne after he’d criticized the autonomy of the brainbots. Wayne had no idea the work Megamind put into never forcing his cyborg creations into villainy like he had been. Wayne didn’t know that some brainbots reject the villain completely and instead go out into the city finding homes in unlikely places, with people the city forgot.

“No! Gosh Minion, I’m trying to—“ he never felt so tongue tied. “I mean it as an enduring term? Like he’s my little buddy?” He accidentally insults people all the time because no one ever tells him when he’s being rude or dismissive except Roxanne or his father, and now Minion.

“You should have admitted to me what happened in the first place, Sir will be very upset to know you took a shower this morning, he’s intensely private about his body. He will be very upset that I had to take care of the Conductor with just brainbots.” Minion stomps around looking angry but sounding on the verge of tears. If fish can cry. Can they? No not the time.

“I didn’t do anything inappropriate to his body, and I would have gone with you but you said I’d get Megamind killed.” Wayne whines not used to being criticized or looked down on.

Minion’s robotic body stomps back and forth in a line while his fish body faces him the whole time. “And because I didn’t know soon enough I couldn’t stop him from pretending to be you to go on a date with Miss Ritchie and he is either going to mess it up and be upset for days or maybe worse he’ll have a wonderful time and fall into a depressive episode thinking of the things he can never have!” Minion sinks down in his bowl, his suit locking up. The henchfish hadn’t meant to say that. Any of that. Villains don’t have happy endings. So all he can do is try to make sure things never end.

Wayne swallows the lump in his throat. There was a lot to unpack there. He’d always assumed Megamind lived a private life similar to a mobster or drug lord, sex and drugs— well maybe not drugs Megamind seemed in control of his mental state any time he saw him but piles of ill gotten money and ladies of the night surely. Debauchery as his mother would describe it. But it sounded like Megamind didn’t leave home often, and when he did, it was to protect territory or things related to his bi-monthly plots.

“He should be okay, maybe he’ll just be bored or maybe Roxy’s treatment of the upper class will amuse him.” Wayne says pulling himself up off the ground.

“Sir could watch paint dry and as long as Miss Ritchie was watching too he’d be happy.” Minion’s voice is trembling and soft barely above a whisper. For the first time it occurred to Wayne that Megamind didn’t just get along with Roxanne and find her pretty and clever, he was in love with her.

It put some of the past events into perspective that’s for sure. He was always so slow to recognize these things, his own mother had to explain to him that many of his female fans were flirting with him. He just wasn’t good at reading body language. Scents told you a lot more, sounds even more than that. He missed his enhanced senses right now. 

“We should interrupt that date, because me and Roxy aren’t actually dating—“ Wayne said springing up from his place on the ground.

Minion accepted this information quickly and realized that if Megamind was under the false impression that the hero was with Roxanne then he might make a fool of himself. Such a big fool that when Roxanne figured out what happened, and she would, that she’d possibly hate him for it. If by the nature of their villain/damsel relationship she didn’t already hate him.

“I’ll scramble the Brainbots.” Minion says, voice full of determination, hoping they make it in time.

——-

The bathroom was a poor hiding place, an event this large always had at least one person in the bathroom. The few that have passed through stare for far too long as they wash their hands. Of course they did, it wasn’t often the confident Wayne Scott hyperventilated in public view. A waiter washed his hands looking over only once. Megamind had a good memory for faces and names, this man was one of the workers from the Scott estate. Was this event being run by the Scott’s?

“Mr Scott, you look to be having a panic attack.” The man comments casually as if he’d said the weather was nice. Megamind grunts in affirmation. The water stops, and the electric sound of an automatic paper towel dispenser fills the silence. He puts his hands on the hero’s wide shoulders and urges him to turn and face him. His hands straighten up Wayne’s suit with practiced ease.

“Work stress again? I could send a letter to the heroes league to get someone to cover the city and set up a vacation for you.” The man offers, his voice soft and calm. “Greece last year was nice, where would you like to go this year?”

Megamind admired how Minion like this man was. He knew Metro Mahn had gone on a three week vacation last year, it had been fun. He had gotten to fight three different heroes, winning against them after a dramatic villainous plot. He hadn’t taken over the city, after all Metro Mhan would return, but he had done a lot of fun things. Petty crimes really, but he made them look extraordinary.

“Let’s discuss it later, I am merely taking a breather.” Megamind says just as he picks up the sound of the museum doors being kicked in. The sound of heavy rock rolling into the museum, followed by screams and glass breaking. The man lets out a low growl.

“Your nemesis could stand to let you have some time to yourself.” The man says, shaking his head.

“I doubt he does it to spend time with me.” Megamind says with a chuckle as he considers changing out of the suit for this fight. If it was even going to be a fight. Maybe Minion was just here to force him to come home.

“He should just ask Miss Ritchie out if he is so desperate to spend time with her.” The man spits out. Megamind flushes in Wayne’s skin, no reply to that. Did Wayne know he had a crush on the reporter? He wanted to be in his own body more than ever. “You’re working yourself to death, and so is he. He does twice the plots of any other villain. I'm half inclined to give him a piece of my mind.” the man says sternly.

——————-

“Citizens of Metrocity! It seems my invitation was lost in the mail, but fear not, I made it.” Wayne says doing his best impression of his rival. The crowd has mostly backed against the walls of the room. Roxanne leaning against a table with an unamused expression.

Wayne is in full costume, with brainbots to his left and right to defend him if need be. Minion just behind him with a large gun in his metallic hands. The gun is just to keep citizens from thinking they could play the hero. Though if fired it was dangerous, it was the destroy setting on the De-gun basically. It was designed not to harm organic tissue, that’s what the death setting is for.

“You weren’t sent an invitation, Megamind!” Metro man’s voice bellows. Looks like Megamind hadn’t put on his spandex under the suit for he was still dressed far too formally.

“When you are one day going to rule the city you always have a standing invitation.” Wayne replies, looking over at Roxanne, she’s on edge ready to be snatched up at any second.

“You can relax Miss Ritchie. I won’t be needing your services tonight.” He’d hoped to calm her but she looked offended instead. Would he ever understand women?

“What do you want Megamind!” Megamind demands knowing that he must be here to collect him.

“Oh just thought I’d add my own contribution to the new wing.” Wayne had thought this part up all by himself and convinced a few of the bots to go along with it. Minion can be heard grumbling under his breath. Something about sticking to the plan. But he had own plan.

The music fades out and a brainbot drops that gorgeous guitar Megamind had into Wayne’s hands. He started to play it, the starting cords of Seether's “Same Damn Life” playing through the speakers in the room. The mind control powers of the guitar were disabled by a very helpful brainbot.

Unsure of what the right thing to do was, the hero approached carefully. Wayne gave him a grin Megamind thought didn’t look right on his face just before all hell broke loose.

———-

He was covered in blue paint, the stuff was all over the new wing— somehow the brainbots had made sure not a drop got on the art. But now the walls and floor had blue stains on them and a large blue splash with a crisp white silhouette of Metroman’s body. He had gotten the fight out into the street and he could hear Roxanne following him.

“Oh I’m not done yet!” Megamind looks done, Wayne wasn’t used to getting tired so quickly and it showed. The real Megamind took a heroic pose and prepared to banter more to let Wayne catch his breath. Roxanne wasn’t having it.

“Hold it!” She shouted, making her way to the hero’s side, grabbing his ear to hold him in place. “Time out!” She says giving a no nonsense glare at the villain.

“Alright, Wayne you’ve been acting strange all day! And Megamind that— that was the lamest attempt you’ve ever made.” Both aliens look down in shame.

“But, the guitar part was cool at least?” The villain asked with sagging shoulders.

“I thought the guitar part was cool, even if it wasn’t worked in with the rest of the attack.” The hero offered in a poor attempt to defend a scheme that would forever be associated with his face.

The reporter rubbed her temples and let out a long sigh. “You played well, and your music choice is always on point, but I expect more out of you. You should have been in full stage makeup! And there should have been pyrotechnics” both aliens looked at her like she had lost it.

“Fire could have damaged the museum.” They say, in unison, much to her annoyance. Minion is giving her a sympathetic look, but is keeping his mouth shut. Megamind looks up, his super hearing, picking up the soft trilling of a few brainbots carrying something and fighting over who will be the one to present it to ‘daddy’.

Once everyone can see them, it’s clear to Megamind that they brought the mind swapper… and the chicken? The machine has been slimed down, the power source covered up and the embellishments it had before are all gone. It’s not even painted.

“Is it too much to ask for a little professionalism?” Megamind grumbles as Roxanne lets go of his ear.

“Same plan twice in a row? That’s sloppy.” She grunts. Megamind would have had a quip to say back to that but Wayne just leans against Minion with a sigh.

“Geez, are you always mean like this Roxie? Being Megamind is hard! The brainbots have free will and other criminals try and take everything you have the moment you're not looking” Wayne whined. “And I was forced to be inside the lair all day! It’s depressing because it has no windows.” Megamind slapped his palm to his face, Wayne was blowing this.

Roxanne folded her arms thinking hard as she kept an angry expression. She looked at the machine then to who she had thought was Metro man. “Oh for the love of— Wayne, if you think I’m being mean now you should hear what I say to Megamind before the cameras get rolling.” She turns to Minion.

“So I was right, it’s a mind switching device.” She says with a teasing smile. Minion nods his whole body. She looks at the hero with a sharp glare.

“Megamind.”

The hero gulps. She must be planning something to get revenge on him once he’s in his rightful body. “Wayne isn’t my boyfriend, we’ve never been anything more then friends.” She informs him. His mouth falls open. That can’t be true.

“But you— you never correct me when I call him your paramour?” And more importantly she doesn’t meet the requirements to be a frequent kiddnapee. Maybe he can justify it because she’s a reporter? Oh evil gods, his infatuation with her must be so obvious. She gives a playful smile and speaks softly under her breath only loud enough for the hero’s super hearing to pick up.

“Wouldn’t want to lose my front row seat to Metro city’s super squabbles.” She flashes him a big smile saying the next part loud enough for them all to hear. “You definitely were a better fake boyfriend then Wayne ever was!”

“I feel like I should be insulted?” Wayne says.

“No more playing around, get over to the machine!” Minion demands in an exasperated tone. Megamind, feeling like he’s just had his stomach flipped like pancakes, walks over to the machine. standing on one end Minion encourages Wayne to stand on the other end.

A light flashes and Megamind is quick to grab the cage with the chicken and activates the machine again. Metromans body gets a glazed look in its eyes. The chicken on the other hand slumps down in its cage looking defeated.

“It worked, Minion!” He said holding up the cage. Minion nods.

“Very good sir. Seems a little unsporting though?”

“Now what will you do?” Roxanne asks, not looking the least bit worried.

“Uh… I didn’t think I’d get this far.” Megamind admits bashful as Roxanne rolls her eyes at him.

“Return him to his body, before the chicken figures out how to use Wayne’s flight or laser eyes.” She commands. Megamind wouldn’t risk a super with a chicken's mind running wild in his city, so he complies. It’s definitely not because she told him to. His heart definitely didn’t jump when she told him he did a good job after he returned Wayne to his rightful body.

Overall, a good day.


	2. Alternate scene for Metroman’s defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the film wasn’t fallowing the rule of funny I definitely think Megamind would have realized Metroman’s faked his death. Rated for general audiences.
> 
> Just a small Drabble on how I imagine that scene going.

He did it. The whole city watching his evil plan was silent now and he and Minion had celebrated for a short moment while he pretended it was as it seemed. He knew better though, and Roxanne’s expression of despair wasn’t half as enjoyable as he imagined getting a reaction out of her might be.

But of course, it looked like he killed her lover of nearly a decade. “Alrighty that was fun. Pretending to have won, but worry not Miss Ritchie. Your paramour is not dead.” He assures her with a false smile and fake showmanship. He really wasn’t in the mood to celebrate or gloat anymore. The more time that passed the more he was just growing bitter and angry at the whole thing.

“What?” Roxanne sputtered. He could imagine others watching said the same thing. He spun to face the cameras, allowing his cape to dramatically sweep around him.

“Sir?” Minion’s robot hands hovered above the button to cut the camera feed. His fantastical henchfish seemed to not have caught on. So it was just him that noticed this farce then? Neither his henchmen or his clever reporter noticed the glaring flaws? But of course not, they were in shock as he had been.

Shock he used to celebrate until his mind caught up with reality. “Metroman is an alien like yours truly.” He starts off motioning to himself. “Obviously we are not from the same planet, but my pod had information on other sentient races around my home world. The Gaul, have no known weakness beyond the need to breathe oxygen and an allergy to a chemical compound not even present in this solar system.” He explained his smile melting away with each word. They also needed to eat and supposedly they could be killed by antimatter but he wasn’t going to play around with antimatter. Yet. More research needed.

“They were originally created by another race to be slaves, and super soldiers. Their slavers long since defeated, their main problem at the time of their worlds destruction was fertility concerns, they had been engineered to struggle having young as they are very powerful and dangerous. No doubt Metroman was one of only a thousand children on the planet at time of the black hole.” He explained going into far more detail then he ever had about his past on camera. Heck he hadn’t even bothered to share this info with Wayne. Why would he? The man didn’t ask and he was a smug jerk who picked on him. Roxanne’s shocked expression was relaxing her mouth, finally not hanging open. She was putting it together, clever as always.

“Sir? Should I cut the camera feeds?” Minion asks giving him the same look he throws his bosses way anytime he thinks he’s going to embarrass himself.

“No, no, I’m getting off track though. My point is nothing short of drowning, suffocation, or a black hole could kill that man. He either is tired of our game or he perhaps is playing with my emotions. Maybe he thinks he’s done me a favor by letting everyone believe I’ve won.” He strides over to his damsel, careful to not touch her as he unties her bonds. She stays still in the chair unsure of her next move. The delight of seeing her so shocked is ruined by this fake victory. At least she didn’t scream, he wanted that to happen under circumstances he could actually be proud of.

“The skeleton is in one piece and yet stripped completely of tissue and sinew, what’s holding it together?” He asks, walking slowly over to the skeleton he’d dropped in his earlier panic. He kneels down next to it and sure enough it’s joints have screws in them.

“This skeleton is held together by screws, the shoulders aren’t broad enough to be his, and if I wanted to test for dna to prove this is or isn’t him I couldn’t because there isn’t any bone marrow, bones themselves are just calcium, no dna to speak of.” He drops it in frustration, only keeping the cape in his hands.

Roxanne stands up finally approaching him with the fearlessness he’d come to expect of her. “His cape and suit are made from the same material…” She says in her reporting voice, clear and loud. “So why would only his cape survive the blast?” He respected this woman so much. So brilliant, her perception skills surpassing his own when she wasn’t in shock. 

“Precisely. Why would it?” He turns away from the cameras and makes his way over to Minion. “It wouldn’t of course, Wayne is simply…” stupid is the word he wants to use. But Wayne went to the best schools money can buy; he just doesn’t have the knowledge one would need to pull off this stunt. He could have asked him for help with it. He’d helped several of his uncle's fake their deaths. 

“Why not just go along with this Megamind? I was in such shock I wouldn’t have thought twice about this being fake. No one would have.” She asked him looking as lost as he felt.

“I’m not interested in fake victories, this kind of event could make me a target of the whole defenders council, or even the government as a whole. The defeat of a tier twelve super would get other villains relied up into a frenzy, the world wide implications are beyond my desires.” He states just as he hits the button to cut the camera feed. His controlled posture sags and his tightly schooled expression crumples.

“Take Miss Ritchie home Minion.” He says softly, his voice struggling not to crack under the emotional weight of his inner turmoil.

“What do you want then Megamind?” Roxanne yells at his retreating form, backing away from Minion as he holds up the spray. He’d prefer she’d asked that under different or better circumstances. So many ways he could answer the question then. If they were alone, during their bantering he could fake confidence long enough to say that what he wants is her to smile and laugh and be impressed with his schemes.

If it was yelled when the cameras were still on he could say he wanted real success and Metroman to show him some respect for his time and effort. If it was asked as he was handcuffed and waiting for Wayne to finish his interview and drag him off to jail he could say he wanted to rule Metrocity! But it was asked now. When he is feeling used and vulnerable and it’s just his life long companion and his crush of nearly a decade. He swallows the lump in his throat.

“I just want to force the city to remember I exist… I want to feel like I belong somewhere on this planet. Even if that somewhere is behind bars.” He admits choking on the last word. He can’t bring himself to look back and see her face. He leaves quickly with only the sound of the knockout spray to follow him.


	3. Convention fling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre movie Au. Megamind attends a convention cosplaying as himself. Porn with some plot. Rating Explicit. Mild dubious consent.

For over 30 years a group of people obsessed with the phenomenon of supers has held a convention in America to celebrate the extraordinary humans and their deeds. It’s mostly a celebration of heroism but it’s never been discouraged to talk about or cosplay as villains. In fact many villains who put up even a slight amount of presentation gather fans. Heroes and villains are just a different type of celebrity. A combination of professional wrestler and actor. This year the convention is being held in Michigan and they have special guests and prepared an opening to celebrate supers and metahumans and aliens from the state.

Most importantly to Megamind though, is that his favorite (and only) captive Roxanne Ritchie is attending as a guest speaker. He rarely leaves Metrocity, as he has a criminal underworld to oversee so Minion was skeptical that he was going to attend. But his excuse for this trip had been perfect, he just said he wants to make sure Miss Ritchie doesn’t spill any of the secrets she’s weaseled out of them to the wider world. Never mind that if she wanted to do so she could have just reported those things on the news.

Besides what’s she really going to reveal? That Minion bakes?

In truth he just wants to see her. Besides Metro Mahn is busy with some family trouble right now so no point in plotting anything back home. Yes, yes it’s all for convenience and not a pathetic desire to maybe hang out with her casually. Or to just be within people watching distance and see her mingling with the other convention goers.

“Sir, this is a bad idea.” Minion says with a huff as he helps his charge into a version of his costume that while made from the same protective materials, is designed to look “off” to look cheaper. The collar is a bit too tall, the spikes on his outfit changed from the (dull but intimidating) spikes it normally has to short safe to touch triangle studs. His eye liner is a bit too thick, with a light amount of blue face paint applied to give his skin a less realistic look, hiding the pink tips of his ears and lessening the effect of the pinkish tint to his cheeks.

“Yes, a devilishly bad idea of deception.” He says forcing a chuckle. He knows what Minion means; he just doesn’t want to engage with Minion’s actual arguments against this, he is a grown man and doesn’t need Minion to nanny him all the time. Minion chokes back a rude comment he wants to say, blowing a few bubbles and letting out a slight trilling noise.

“No sir, not morally bad, but bad as in it will not go well.” Megamind scoffs and pulls away from his fishy friend.

“Don’t be such a pill Minion, I’m a big boy I can handle myself for a little while.” He checks his goatee in a mirror held by a helpful brainbot, perfectly trimmed and delightfully menacing. Minion puts his big mechanical hands on his robotic hips, his fishy body mimicking a shaking head.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt unnecessarily.” He says in a soft caring tone that doesn’t match his disappointed authority figure stance. Megamind sets a gloved hand on his companions arm, even though the fish doesn’t receive tactile feedback from the suit. (At his own request Megamind certainly could make it do that.)

“I’ll keep my watch on me, so I can call you if anything goes wrong. In the meantime take the disguise watch and go shopping for some new fabrics.” Minion smiles and twirls in his bowl, at least something nice would come out of this. Maybe he’d start work on the Black mamba?

————-

Roxanne rubbed her temple as she listened to Hal drone on and on. She didn’t own a car, and Hal offered to take her to this convention since he was going anyway. She was of course quick to refuse that, she would take a bus or hell, she’d ask Megamind for a ride before she went with her pushy coworker. But then he clarified that he was going with his younger sister. After letting him know that she would walk away immediately if his sister turned out to not be going with them she agreed.

She had been invited to this convention as a guest speaker, the most kidnapped damsel in the state and longest lasting damsel in super history. They offered her pay for the event, and they paid for her luxury hotel room. Work let her go in exchange for her writing a small fluff piece for their website on the convention, she was excited to have a little change in her daily routine.

Hal’s personal vehicle was in poor condition, running just fine but with ankle deep trash in the back, mostly fast food bags, with the distinct smell of old food clinging to every inch of the car’s interior. Despite being grossed out Roxanne chose to sit in the back, letting Hal’s sister have the passenger seat. She had met Hal’s sister once before, she’s a twenty two year old college dropout who when not in a cosplay, dresses in loose baggy flannel jackets and worn out jeans and army style boots. Today she was dressed in a white lab coat with a high collar, goggles resting on her forehead. She’s apparently dressed as some villain from California who runs a blog between schemes.

Hal is in a cosplay as well, as the hero this ‘Dr Horrible’ fights against. She can’t tell if he legitly likes this Captain Hammer or if he was going for a low effort costume, or if he wanted to annoy his sister. This Captain Hammer guy wore a simple black T-shirt with a small hammer in a circle logo in the center. His clothes are nearly civilian-like. She didn’t get the appeal. She was used to the over the top costumes and behaviors of Metro City’s own supers.

“I’m telling you Roxaroo, Captain Hammer is cooler than Metroman, he’s nearly as invincible as Metroman and he has super strength. But he actually gets shit done!” Hal says taking a hand off the wheel to clench his hand into a triumphant fist. If Captain hammer wasn’t a registered Defender then it was likely he didn’t like to play by the rules, rules that tried to minimize casualties as much as possible.

Samantha rolls her eyes and turns enough that she can look at Roxanne in the back seat, her medium length red hair spilling over her shoulder. “Hospitalizing villains isn’t cool, or helpful. He threw a car at Dr Horrible last month! Dr Horrible isn’t even a super! He’s more mad scientist than super villain.” She says with a tone that says she has had this conversation before and hates the outcome. “He should be fighting secret agents or animals in fedoras. He just lacks the budget most geniuses have.” Hal mimicked a person talking too much with his hand, until his sister punched his shoulder.

“If Hammer could fly even without all Metroman’s other powers he’d be the top hero in the Defenders no question. He doesn’t let villains just walk all over him or play little games with them he kicks their ass and then gets laid.” Hal says licking his lips and laughing. Roxanne cringing and throwing a sympathetic look to Samantha. “No one kidnaps his girls.” Nice, a jab at Metromans “letting” her get kidnapped. Hal didn’t understand Jack shit about this.

“Egotistical Meatheads like him are only heroes in the loosest sense, and Captain Hammer doesn’t date any of these girls, so there isn’t a point in kidnapping them; he just goes around acting like his dick is God's gift to the world.” She pulls out her phone to show Roxanne the villain in questions blog, how the man read out mail he got and clearly rolled with the c-tier metahumans and villains of California. He was a cute guy, his background a lair that reminds her of Megamind with its unnecessary blinking dials but with less money behind it like it’s a bachelor pads lab themed basement. 

“Whatever, Sam. Say Roxy you should meet back up with us after your Q and A panel or whatever.” Hal suggested with a not subtle implication in his words.

“I’m sure I’ll be busy afterwards, and we aren’t even staying in the same hotel.” She is so glad about that fact.

“If you're worried about like, that blue freak coming for you I could stay with you, you know for protection.” Hal offers. Her eyelids drop halfway and expression sours but before she can growl that she has been with him plenty of times that Megamind has taken her, Samantha speaks up.

“Oh for fucks sake, she clearly doesn’t want to date you, she’s just afraid you’ll be an unbearable jerk or violent if she turns you down in the rude kind of way needed for you to understand. Stop being so pushy.” She spits. Hal stutters and spends the next ten minutes explaining what a good guy he is and how it’s not his fault women can’t see that. Roxanne tunes him out and stares out the window at the passing streets.

———-

The opening event is a video presentation projected onto the walls of the main room. Speakers playing out the excited narration to the buzzing crowd. A beautiful shot of Michigan wilderness becomes bustling cityscapes on the screen. “Hello and welcome to another Super celebration con! Like every year we love to highlight our hosting state’s contributions to the complex world of heroes and villains.” A smooth male voice reads out the subtitles of the video.

The image shows an older man in a golden age style hero outfit, with black hair and a chiseled but not over the top physique. Video footage of the man shows acrobatics and sonic vibrations being used to stop a bank robbery. “Among the notable supers from Michigan is Vibe, a defenders league member from Detroit. Admitting to a past life as a gang leader he joined up with the defenders after their third reformation.” It proceeds to show a greatest hits reel of his exploits before a new face takes the screen.

A terrible gaudy old style suit is on the next person. A non spandex affair that was more function then fashion. “Michigan may be known right now for a supervillain with genius intellect but the blue alien was by no means the first. Rampage, currently housed in Metro city’s own prison for the criminally gifted, he used his intelligence to build one of the first super powered suits in history!” The footage here is less greatest hits and more just clips of fights where the outcome is loss of course with a few clips of his time assisting the Anti-hero the Punisher, thrown in as well. They neglect to show how he’s nothing more than a disabled old man at this point. They neglect to show what drove him to villainy, they always skip the most important aspects that make these people who they are. Megamind isn’t looking forward to his own highlight reel.

The next few highlighted supers are the Anti-hero Spawn, then the Anti-hero Crow. Michigan had more of those then born and raised villains. Ending with two female heros, Gypsy, a hero native to Detroit and a junior defender not even old enough to drive known as Trance. Then the video’s tone shifted to show both Metroman and Megamind, the music is some instrumental rock with an electric violin as the main instrument, with laser lights around the room activating to show off some Megamind style of showmanship. Personally he would have also used a smoke machine.

“Currently the most well known hero and villain duo to come from Michigan, Metroman also ranks as one of the strongest heroes to ever exist on earth. He’s one of the few superheros to live as himself with no secret identity, the child of Michigan’s own historic Scott family he is the official defender of Metro city and known to help out the world wide efforts of the defenders.” The images of Metroman slowly feature Megamind more and more, the photos are less perfectly posed then Metroman’s and often of lesser quality. A villain doesn’t stand still for photos other than mugshots.

“Megamind is a classic style supervillain complete with a robot army and a loyal henchmen. His background is roughly unknown, seemingly younger by a few years then his rival, no record exists of the blue alien prior to an incident reported in a small local paper about a paint bomb explosion. He has been making waves in the supervillain world since he was a teen and he isn’t even technically a super!” The video shows several shots of him fighting Metroman as well as shots of him monologuing to a very unimpressed Roxanne. “Not affiliated with any evil organization he has received invitations to the mad scientist group L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. As well as the evil league of evil and the defenders own sworn rivals the Villians league!”

The footage switches to the face of the event organizers, a couple in their late forties dressed in homemade superstyle costumes not meant to copy an existing hero. “We are happy to bring this year's Convention to Michigan and celebrate the unique world brought about by having metahumans and aliens alike among a mostly unpowered populous.” The woman says before handing the microphone to her husband.

“Today’s itinerary starts with this opening ceremony, followed by two hours dedicated to being able to visit our various booths set up around the convention hall. Then in the Lotus conference room we have a panel for guests to ask questions to our special guests this year, Roxanne Ritchie the star reporter of KCMP news and frequent captive of Megamind, Bernard Maxwell metahuman scholar and author of multiple books on supers and Jake Cornwall the Cornman himself, a minor metahuman and political streamer.” The man announces as the crowd cheers. He hands the microphone back to his wife.

“During that time Cherryblossom conference room has a panel of cosplay enthusiasts offering advice and answering any questions you may have on the subject.” Both her and her husband lean into the mic as they announce the next event.

“Then we have our costume contest, we have a category for best costume of an existing super and best original and best alternate reality existing super.” Megamind tunes out the rest of the scheduled events he was mainly here to stalk Roxanne in the least creepy way he could. He didn’t even plan to come to the second day of the convention.

———-

Megamind waited for the crowd to disperse a bit before he started to try and move around. He wasn’t a fan of crowds, but this convention had a surprisingly nice badge system. Your badge either had a green, yellow or red outline that’s easily visible from a distance. Green meant he was okay with being touched, yellow meant he was okay with you talking to him with red, meaning don’t talk to or touch me without my express permission.

He picked the yellow badge, he did love to talk to people after all. Once the crowd was spread out he made his way around the booths, enjoying the craftsmanship and artistry of everyday people who are enamored with superheroes. He pauses in front of a stand dedicated to Villains, his eyes drawn to an adorable plushie of his very own henchfish. The details are nearly perfect even though he tries so hard to keep Minion out of the public eye.

“I must have this.” He said reaching out for the plushie. Behind the counter the people running the booth stop their conversation with another customer and their mouths hang open as they look at him.

“Uh sure it’s my most expensive piece at eighty dollars… your costume is amazing how did you get your head shape so perfect?” The woman asks. For the first time Megamind looks up and he sees the woman is also cosplaying as him. Her costume is detailed and high quality, clearly hand made. Her makeup is more than simple blue body paint, it has subtle shades of blue and even lavender cheeks and her fake ears have lavender tips.

Her head isn’t actually bald, it’s clearly a cap that her hair is shoved in, but it’s blended into her hairline well. He blushes hard, uncomfortable with how naturally attracted he is to this female simply because she looks like a girl version of himself. “O-oh uh yeah I can afford that… umm my head shape is a trade secret i'm afraid.” He hadn’t thought about an explanation for how his costume was made, he hadn’t imagined he would need to explain it.

“I tried a wire mesh to support a larger head shape but the weight was uncomfortable.” The woman laments. The man next to her holds out his hand to receive payment for the doll, drawing Megaminds attention. The man is in a cosplay of Minion! The only one he has seen so far. His head is in a clear dome with his neck painted to look like water and his face painted to look like Minions scales. The man’s beard braided into tight long tendrils made to mimic Minions bottom filaments. His hair pulled back into a short ponytail painted up and shaped to look like the Minion’s tail fins.

“What a fantastic costume.” He says in awe. “How did you get so many details on Minion?” He asks unaware that outside of Roxanne and Metrocity’s criminal element people didn’t know Minion's name.

The man seems to think he simply misspoke. “My girlfriend is a costume designer for the Syfy channel and I’m a makeup artist, we have been making elaborate cosplays using blurry screenshots for years.” He explains with a wide smile that showed off his teeth caps that make him appear to have razor sharp teeth like Minion.

“Impressive use of your skills.” He says in awe, fishing out the cash in his pocket to hand over. As he takes the plush he is shoved to the side by a short chubby man in a very plain outfit. An angry girl yelling at the man already.

“Dammit Hal, you're going to get us kick out if you can’t chill out!” She yells. Megamind cocks his brow and looks at the man a little closer, it’s Roxanne’s camera man. Hal shoe-urt he thinks his name is.

“Me! Me! You’re the one embarrassing me in front of Roxie, and dragging me to your nerd shit!” He shouts. He looks at Megamind and then the woman running the stand before pulling at his short red hair. “And what’s with Meganerd’s popularity!” The man grunts raising his hand to knock a plushie of Megamind off the table. His sister's hand grabbing his wrist to stop him.

“I paid for your ticket and for your gas and for our hotel room which I'm sharing with you because you are always broke, the least you can do is not get me kicked out!” She snaps. The woman running the stand throws her boyfriend a look and the man starts walking around the booth.

“I’m going to politely request you go cool off.” He says standing next to Megamind. 

“Whatever, all this shit is lame anyway, if I was a hero Megamind would be too dead to touch Roxanne.” He spits. “I wouldn’t deliver any villain to jail, they all belong in the morgue.” He pushes his sister hard as he storms past her. Megamind unclenches his fists, he’d been ready to deck the man.

“Such disregard for life is hardly hero behavior.” He mutters. The woman sighs, letting out all her held back stress. Then she lights up like she didn’t just have a strangely domestic fight in front of the small group gathered around the booth.

“Marie, please tell me you brought your drums.” The redhead asks with wild excitement in her eyes. Marie shakes her head.

“No, the van was already crowded with merchandise, why would I need my drums?” She asks quickly, turning to serve a customer. 

“I was talking with the event organizers and the band they had scheduled to do an opening number before the costume contest never showed. I have my guitar with me.” She explains looking over at Megamind. “Wow your costume is stellar, can I touch you?” She asks, leaning far too close.

“Uhhh no?” Megamind replies cringing as he waits for her to get mad at him. But she nods and refocuses back on her friend.

“I just need to find Richard, I know he’s here. I think he’s wearing a Musicmeister costume this year. And get you some drums and we could play a song or two.” Samantha says pulling out her cell phone and typing wildly. Megamind knows he isn’t really part of this conversation but he could probably help out, maybe get a drum set for them or… he feels a tap on his back and he spins around. His nervous hand wanting to reach for his De-gun. He doesn’t though as he wants people to believe it’s a prop.

His assailant is a young man with a small group of people all wearing little pins of his logo on their clothes or bags. “Dude, sorry to bother you but your cosplay is amazing, can we get some photos with you?”

“Oh… sure?” He says clearly uncomfortable. A woman whispers into the man’s ear and Megamind can’t help but worry.

“We don’t have to start snapping pictures right away, we’re the local branch of the Megamind fan club.” He introduces. “You should come with us to the panel Miss Ritchie is on today, I wanna see her opinion on your costume.”

“I was already intending on going to that.” He says softly. He likely had replied to one or more of these peoples fan letters. His public P.O. Box was surprisingly popular. He understood it sort of but in the end he was a villain not meant to be liked. It was nice to think that some people at least thought they liked him.

“Then come with us!” He said motioning for him to follow them. Not wanting to be rude he follows closely behind them as they talk about which of his capes was their favorite. He couldn’t help but smile and talk about his own personal favorite.

———-

The panel was set up to have Jake to her left and Bernard to her right with her in the middle. It made her feel extra important. She took her seat, Bernard already sitting down looking as cheerful as ever with his head resting against his palm, his weight supported by his elbow. He looks over at her and sighs. “Miss Ritchie, how’s Metroman?” He asks clearly as uninterested in the answer as she is.

“I’m sure he is just— super.” She replies with a forced smile. She feels the table shake as Jake plops down next to her.

“I can not believe I was even invited to this event.” He says with a sigh. She turns to face him and is caught off guard by his cheap store bought… corn suit?

“I don’t believe I’m familiar with your work.” She says with a cocked brow.

“Work.” Bernard snorts. “He’s a streamer that wears a corn suit, and pretends his political opinions matter.”

Jake leans back with a smug smile. “Jealous? I happen to be a huge nerd for superheroes, like you but less academic and more pop culture. I’m also a metahuman just not one who’s powers could be used to fight crime.”

“Why a corn suit?” Roxanne asks. The man opens his mouth to explain but the lights over them intensify and the panel has begun.

——-

Megamind sat sandwiched between two of his fans in the second row. With no question in mind for any of the guests he has been fine listening to others ask their questions. Seeing Roxanne being witty and personable was always a treat.

“Roxanne if I may ask, last year during one of your kidnappings, Megamind asked if you reconsidered his offer to be evil Queen, but no previous broadcast or plot mentions any such thing.” A fan of his just behind him asks. Megamind is suddenly very interested in his hands. He certainly hadn’t meant for people to think he was attracted to Roxanne. His fan club had already gushed about their favorite “ship” to him while they waited for the panel to start. They seemed to ignore the reality of Roxanne’s relationship to Metroman and the impossibility of the Villain getting the girl.

Roxanne ponders for a moment her expression expertly schooled to not reveal her feelings on the matter. “Ah well as mentioned previously, Megamind doesn’t make me wait in silence before the cameras come on. We have some banter of our own.” She has been generous in that she hasn’t revealed Minion’s love of feeding her before the plot starts or the times when things don’t work out and they just take her home. She’s let him keep his villainous reputation intact by keeping these things to herself.

“He’s a fan of classical villainy, and one of those classic plots is turning the hero’s girlfriend to the side of evil or taking her away from him by means of marriage.” She explains as Megamind debates revealing his true identity and kidnapping her just so he doesn’t have to hear the rest of this answer. “So yes he once casually offered to make me his evil Queen, don’t read into it.” Oh that wasn’t so bad. He lets out a relieved breath.

Bernard leans in close to his mic with a heavy roll of his eyes. “Try and keep questions professional and don’t ship real people. It's weird.” The man in the corn suit nods in agreement.

“I have a question, why is Megamind able to have a P.O. Box? How does he check it without going to jail or why doesn’t the government confiscate or read his mail?” The next person asks. Megamind closed his eyes, and thought over how he had brainbots collect his mail that way it couldn’t be used as a trap for himself or Minion. But in truth his mailbox was one of the few things where he felt like he had the same rights as other people. None of his mail was ever tampered with and he respected the post office's professionalism enough that he never used it for illegal goods or criminal correspondence. 

Bernard sits up straight and smiles for the first time during the panel. “Great and thoughtful question. By cutting off certain things for Villains or criminals in general you make life harder for everyone for no benefit. The government has ways for criminals to pay taxes on their ill gotten gains without triggering an investigation into the money itself. Taxes are the lifeblood of society. They want it to be easy for them to pay up. As for reading his mail, that would be a crime, and it’s doubtful he gets his evil supplies through there.” This Bernard was quite smart, though nothing he said was secret information. The next person approached the mic stand to ask a question.

“Megamind is among only three known supervillains to never enact any plots during December. Any idea why?” The man asks, holding a clipboard full of all his questions with ones already asked by others crossed out. His fan club pin flashing under the room's lights for a moment. Jake leans back this question definitely not for him, he doesn’t even live in Metrocity. Bernard puts a contemplative hand up to his chin. He has a few theories about that but Roxanne knows the villain personally.

Megamind has no clue what answer she’ll give though as he has never talked to her about it. Oh yes, she had mentioned one year in November to him that she noticed he didn’t do schemes in December. But he had pointedly avoided answering her. The woman already knew too much and had too much sway over him. Moreover he didn’t want to see her laugh at his reason or worse, have her express pity for his reason.

“Metroman once told me that Megamind didn’t like December even as a kid. So I imagine his reason doesn’t relate to his supervillain career at all and it’s best to just let him have his privacy?” Roxanne says her eyes sweeping the crowd and lingering on him. For a moment he worries that she can somehow tell he’s the real megamind. But that twinkle her eyes gets when she’s figured him out doesn’t appear in her eyes. Her gaze does keep returning to him though.

“Not one photograph of you kissing Metroman exists, why is that?” A bold woman asks next, her gaze on Roxanne. But it’s Bernard that responds first.

“Appropriate questions only! The last thing I want is for this to escalate into asking how big Metroman’s dick is!” Bernard had been part of quite a few academic discussions of supers that devolved into unproductive gossip. He was seriously about the subject of Metahumans and if his own assumptions were right Aliens. Megamind hoped the question would be dropped. He theorized that Metromahn was intensely private and he was always glad about that.

He couldn’t stand the idea of that perfect teeth and haired, musclehead sweeping Roxanne off her feet to make out with her. He tried to think of those two’s relationship as little as possible. Metroman even seemed to grant him the mercy of not being affectionate in front of him. Even if that did make him wonder if he was giving Roxanne the attention she deserved. A thought process that had led him to realize he had fallen for her. He kept that to himself as best he could least people find out that he’d lay the city at her feet if she would smile for him. 

The man dressed as corn laughs. “Have you seen any pictures of Metroman kissing anyone but babies and his own mother? The guy gives off strong ace energy.” The fans around him murmur in agreement. 

“Jake you claim to be a socialist but you make your living streaming how can you reconcile these facts?” A self assured man asks. The corn suit wearing man laughs and leans forward.

“The fact that you think that’s a good question shows you're not ready to hear the answer, next question.” The man grunts and walks off seething and grumbling.

“Bernard as a specialist in supers you’ve also written extensively on the known aliens on earth. Do you really think Megamind and Metroman are aliens?” A polite woman asks her pins and memorabilia more themed to aliens then capes and supers.

Bernard pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose with one finger. “I do stand by that theory, and I have quite a lot of gathered data that leans to that being the answer but my investigation is still ongoing.”

Megamind lets out a sigh and makes a mental note to make sure Bernard isn’t looking where he shouldn’t. The Scott’s are very protective of their Golden boy’s alien lineage.

———

With the panel done and over with Roxanne seeks out that Megamind cosplayer with the amazing costume. She knows she shouldn’t, that showing interest in a man dressed up as her serial kidnapper comes off as ‘Stockholmy’ but she can’t resist. Her insides had twisted up in a tight knot when she’d seen him, his expression in the crowd had been that soft contemplative look she’s sure only she and Minion have seen. He always looked so vulnerable with that expression.

Of course he wasn’t the real Megamind, the real one rarely left Metro city and why would he come here if not to kidnap her? So of course this wasn’t the real him just a convincing cosplayer.

A cosplayer she’d like to meet and talk to, out of interest of his outfit and definitely not because her brain had given control of her legs over to her libido. She found him still hanging around those Megamind fans from earlier. In his hands is a tightly held plushie of Minion. She recognizes the craftsmanship, the power couple that seemed to be at all these types of things. She met them a few years back at a defenders sponsored event where she had seen a plushie made to look like a brainbot.

She was embarrassed at the time to buy it, hiding it away till she got home. At home it lived on the table beside her bed, where no one would see it. After all when she hung out with Wayne they stayed in the living room or she went over to his underground man cave. She hadn’t had a boyfriend or even a fling in seven years and Minion and Megamind never went into her bedroom or bathroom.

Some days she considered showing it to Minion and maybe getting a recording of the bot’s dog like noises to put into the plushie so when she squeezed it’s body it would make a noise. “Hey, you planning on entering the costume contest?” She asks behind the cosplayer, enjoying the way he jumped in surprise and spun around. However did he get his eyes to be the same green as Megamind’s?

“Oh! Uh, no?” He stumbles his eyes looking everywhere but her face.

“But your costume is amazing!” The group he’s with says echoing her own thoughts. He rubs the back of his head and she swears that under that blue face paint his cheeks are flushed the same lavender of Megaminds own cheeks. 

“True or not, I didn’t put much work into this. Someone else deserves recognition more than I.” He explains. Roxanne doesn’t buy that she instead theorizes that he’s shy. He certainly looks that way around her.

“Hey can we get some pictures of you two together?” The admin of the Megamind fan site asks holding his phone with a hopeful expression. Roxanne raises a brow.

“Every picture posted has to have a disclaimer saying it’s not the real Megamind with me, I get enough tabloids writing stories about my ‘relationship’ with him.” She says putting an arm around Megaminds shoulders. A flash goes off before the man recovers from her casual touch. It’s been a while since she felt she had such sway over a man.

She missed it, it made her feel powerful and sexy. The man’s eyes were desperate not to meet hers for too long as they held desire and admiration for her in them. She bit her bottom lip as the group requested a picture of the cosplayer holding her bridal style. Megamind certainly could hold her like that, he had strength beyond what his body type would suggest. If this cosplayer (she should really ask his name.) was able to pick her up with his thin arms she was going to be very excited.

He swept her up into his arms with no trouble and held so close to him that she could feel his muscles moving under his body suit and smell him. Leather and a light splash of spiced cologne. It was just missing the mechanic-like smell the real Megamind had. It got her mind thinking about how she could explore her most secret fantasy without the possible fallout of bringing it up to the real Megamind.

The danger here was that she didn’t know this man well and he might tell some tabloid about her even asking him. But better those dangers then asking the real Megamind and making their working relationship fall apart. Her eyes trail along the exposed skin of his neck, blue and smooth. She licks her lips hoping that his body paint is nontoxic.

“You got a name?” Roxanne asks as he sets her down.

“Marshal Brian.” He says motioning to the name on his badge. Her eyes widened slightly; she had been causally touching him without considering his feelings on it. His badge was yellow outlined. She let that guilt remind her to not get carried away.

“Could we get a kissing photo? The MegaRox shippers would treasure it forever.” The admin asks with several hits giggling excitedly behind him. Roxanne is sure that she’d never escape the press that photo would generate. Marshal pulls on his collar and looks so adorably embarrassed that she almost doesn’t care about what harm a photo like that could do.

She needs to cool off, she’s letting her affections for Megamind influence how she behaves with a man dressed up as him. It’s rude she needs to respect him as a person not a sex object. Her eyes skim up and down him another time. Even if he is all leather, and skin tight spandex. “Maybe not that far but I can do hand holding.” She offers. Marshal’s eyes light up and he happily takes her hand and threads their fingers together.

Fuck, he somehow got his fingers to be longer and his palm a bit more square then it should be the gloves must have some wire mesh or something for support inside them. Such attention to detail doesn’t go unappreciated. What are the chances she could get him to finger her with the gloves on?

“Hey wanna walk around with me?” She asks Marshal, hoping he wouldn’t want to stick with the Megaheads over here. He looks at their still connected hands and casts a nervous gaze over to the group. They give him a thumbs up and even throw out a thanks before they turn around and start walking away.

“Y-yes I would love to.” He stumbles slightly over his words. “Can’t resist the allure of darkness Miss Ritchie?” He says, voice smooth and playful. His confidence wavering only when he sees her shiver a bit in response. She couldn’t help it, he sounded just like Megamind when he’s doing one of his gloating quips.

“Maybe” She says with a shrug. He smiles brightly and joins her as she starts to walk away.

————-

Roxanne seemed to be having fun when he would ‘pretend’ to be Megamind. Which is easy because he is Megamind. It’s a near magical experience to spend so much time with her. He’s getting to hear all the kinds of laughs she has, not just her sarcastic laugh but that full body genuine laugh that makes her eyes scrunch and her nose scrunch up. He gets to hear her give a teasing laugh which flusters him immensely.

And she keeps looking at him with hooded eyes, biting her lip and making excuses to lightly touch him. He wants to deny that she is flirting with him, because there is no way she would ever want him. He reminds himself that she thinks he’s just cosplaying. 

He’ll take what he can get. Nothing will come of it anyway it would be very wrong for him to do anything with her while she thinks he’s someone else. Sex under false pretenses. Not that he thinks that’s where this is leading! She’s a good person, she wouldn’t cheat on Metroman.

“Hey, wanna join me at the hotel’s bar?” She asks as the conventions first day draws to a close. He nods with a nagging voice telling him he should just go to his hotel and get some sleep.

The bar is relatively quiet, as the hotel hosting the convention is nicer than most people who came to the con can afford. Only a few suit wearing men are around nursing their drinks with faraway gazes. She orders a mixed drink, a bright blue one. He asks for a soda as alcohol affects him very strongly.

“Thanks for going around with me today.” She says after her first sip. A faint imprint of her lipstick on the glass. He licks his lips unconsciously.

“It was a pleasure Miss Ritchie.” He purrs. She gives him a heated look and swivels on her bar stool to face him fully.

“Are you doing that to stay in character or are you just polite?” She asks.

“In character of course, Megamind is professional and polite to you is he not?” He answers with no pause. Confident in his answer. Her smile widens and she downs her drink swiftly. A surprising reaction. “Do you want me to order you another?“ he asked slightly confused.

“No. If I drank anymore, a gentleman like yourself would refuse my offer..” She says with a wicked smirk that rivals one of his own devious grins. That sounds suggestive, he has to be misreading that.

“What offer would that be?” He questions, struggling to keep his voice steady. His throat felt like it had a lump in it, his mouth felt dry.

"I'll give you a hint." She answers, standing from her bar stool. Before he knows it, her lips are on his. He nearly falls off his own stool, but manages to catch himself and put both feet on the floor. Her lips are warmer than he expected them to be, and she tastes of the fruity drink. It's a short kiss, one that he immediately tries to deepen but she pulls away.

“Why don’t you abduct me to my room and we can have some fun?” She whispers into his ear, his massive brain going blank of all thoughts but yes and please and thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

He tosses money onto the counter to pay for their tab, more than enough. Before sweeping her off her feet and throwing her over his shoulder. A surprised gasp escaped her lips and she started to giggle.

—————

She rarely had one night stands, they didn’t interest her. But fuck if she wasn’t excited for this. She hadn’t expected him to openly throw her over his shoulder but it was immediately effective in turning her on. She was quick to tell him which room was hers and soon they were in the privacy of her room. As he set her down she looked around for a chair not finding one that could mimic the one in the lair. 

Would she even be able to find something he could use as a rope? “Looking for an escape Miss Ritchie?” His voice tinged with concern that she’d changed her mind. 

“I was hoping you could tie me to a chair but I think we’ll have to settle for doing something else.” She admits. He licks his lips and his eyes sweep the room.

“What appeals to you about this fantasy? Because you're going to be a bit disappointed in the limits of my costume.” He says making his way over to the bathroom in slow strides. “My body paint doesn’t extend far under my costume.” He disappears behind the door and comes back out with the silken sash of the hotel robe in his hands.

“This never leaves this room.” She huffs out, trusting him to not go and spreading this around. He did seem like a good guy. “The fantasy is partly the power dynamics but it’s mostly about him.” She admits with heated cheeks. She can hear his breath catch before he chuckles softly under his breath.

“Is that so? Miss Ritchie, what are you thinking about when you're tied up?” He says suddenly right by her side. Hands gently holding her wrists and urging her to put her hands behind her back. She lets out a breath and gives him a soft smile.

“I’m thinking about those hands, those clever fingers that build intricate machines and devices and dance over control panels that control a slew of death traps.” She admits honestly, her voice rough around the edges.

He ties her hands together at the wrists with the silken sash. Running his gloves hands up her arms slowly and teasingly. “Then let these hands give you what you want." His voice was liquid sex, those eyes of his burning into her as he directed her to fall back onto the edge of the bed. He drops to the ground between her legs, his expression heated. She can’t stop looking at his lips and goatee and she doesn’t hold back her tongue.

“Is your face paint waterproof?” She pants as he makes slow methodical work of taking off her shoes and socks. His gaze snaps up to hers and he cups her face softly. His lips nearly on hers again.

“You’re in luck, it is.” His mouth crashes against hers and she tugs at her bonds in a sudden overwhelming desire to wrap her hands around him to feel along the back of his head. The bindings prevented her and made her whimper in protest.

He made a pleased growl at the back of his throat and she starts giggling breathlessly as he kisses her neck, shoulders, and collar bone. It was too much. It was never enough. She wanted more skin, more heat, more of him. She arches her back to try and get him to move lower and he gives her another growl. His hands go to her sides and slowly slide up and lay claim to her breasts through the fabric of her dress.

She's already primed and ready for him, her nipples hard under his touch through the fabric of her dress. He gives a squeeze before he rolls her nipples between his fingers, her head falling back as she lets out a broken moan. He slowly starts to bunch her dress up, resting it above her breasts before his mouth is on her newly exposed skin. His goatee added a maddening sensation to his hungry kisses.

“Tell me how much you want my touch, Miss Ritchie.” His voice is low and thick with arousal.

“I want your hands all over me. Your mouth. Kissing. Licking. Sucking. Touching." She can barely contain her desire, her hips jerking up to his touch as he laughs softly. He pushes up the material of her bra, his gorgeous green eyes on hers, waiting for her to protest his actions. When she doesn’t he looks upon her bare breasts and groans.

"Beautiful," he murmurs as he dips his head to her chest and takes a nipple into his mouth, tonguing and suckling. She arches up into him with a broken moan, tugging at her binds in a desperate attempt at more friction.

"Oh yes… please…" She can barely contain the lust raging through her veins. She always imagined Megamind would take his time like this. Driving her mad with desire before finally giving her what she wants. He gives the same attention to her other breast before working his way down her body with increasingly sloppy kisses. She lets out a long grateful moan as he tugs at her panties, desiring his mouth with feverish need.

He tugs them off her long legs and discards them before his hands slowly start to explore her thighs. She bucks her hips up into one of his hands as he runs it back and forth over her heated core. He finally lets two long fingers slowly part her slick folds and she's so wet for him that he lets out a broken nearly inhuman growl against her skin. He pushes his finger deep inside of her and she lets out a relieved whimper.

"Yes, touch me… right there... please don't stop!" She makes an encouraging sound as he continues to pump them in and out of her, curling them slightly so his fingertip brushed that sweet bundle of nerves on every other stroke. What she wouldn’t give for her supervillain back home to be doing this. He adds another finger before his mouth closes over her clit. Her hips bucking so hard that she loses balance and falls back into the bed. He takes the opportunity to pull her hips to the edge of the bed and throws her legs over his shoulders.

He buries his face in her wet heat and just begins to flat out assault her with his mouth. Sucking and licking like a man possessed, and she can do nothing but hold on for the ride as he brings her closer to the edge over and over. She can feel an orgasm building but he stops short before she can fall over the edge, causing her to whimper pathetically.

"Why did you stop? I was so...so close." She finally cries out desperately. He gives a low evil laugh.

“Because I’m a supervillain, am I not supposed to torture the damsel?” His voice is playful. “Besides I want to enjoy every second of this.”

With those words he goes back to work, but this time he doesn't stop. His mouth and fingers work their magic until she finally cries out as the most powerful orgasm of her life washes over her. “Megamind!” Waves of intense pleasure rendering her a moaning mess.

He pulls back from her and gets up onto the bed. Wiping his mouth off before kissing her deeply. “Shh I don’t want Metromahn to think your in danger.” He says against her lips. After catching her breath she shakes her head.

“He knows better than to come unless I specifically say his name. Only takes busting in my room while I’m touching myself once to get the message.” Her voice weak, that orgasm made her exhausted. He makes tsk noises as he moves her so he can untie her wrists. With her free hands she pulls him hard against her naked body. Wishing that he wasn’t fully dressed.

He chuckles at her forcefulness, which turns into a groan when she grinds her wetness against his thigh. “I don’t care if it will break the illusion, fuck me!” She begs. His eyes go wide and he pushes away.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I’d rather you keep this fantasy intact.” He guiltily looks away. She tilts her head, a little hurt by his refusal.

“You can blind fold me to keep the illusion.” She pants trying one more desperate plea. He shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, I have an early flight to catch.” He scrambles to leave the room.

“But I—“ he’s gone before she can finish her sentence. She wasn’t so attached to the fantasy that his human cock would have disappointed her. Her bed feels too large and cold now that her fling has fled. She pulls the blanket over herself and lets her mind wander to thoughts of Megamind. How accurate was that tumble in the sheets to how it would really go? She could only speculate as she’d never be able to be with the real Megamind.


End file.
